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Dealing with the loss of a partner 5 years on

Time can be a strange concept, this day five years ago, I lost my partner Peter to cancer, 5 years is a long time, yet some days it seems like yesterday.

It is said that you can never really prepare for the death of a loved one, whether it is sudden or following a long illness. Either way, in an instant, your world changes, and not for the better. One moment I was in a partnership, cherished and loved, the next I am single, alone and grieving. Cancer is a damned cruel way to go, Peter had rectal cancer which turned into metastasis cancer infecting his lungs, spine and brain, he was a fighter to the end. The five years since his passing now seems an age compared to the five years that cancer took to win, that strange concept of time strikes again.

While the pain of losing him isn’t as sharp as it was in 2016, I am not as numb, I don’t cry as easily, and I know for sure he’s not walking through the front door one last time.  There are still emotions to deal with, grief doesn’t follow a timeline and it’s personal, it comes in waves.  Losing a loved one is something that’s never truly gotten over, time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does lessen the pain. 

I surely feel the loss more on days like this, anniversaries of birthdays or special occasions, but that is life after loss, I cannot change what happened, but I can try to understand it and manage it, some days it comes easier than others.

It may sound harsh, but I don't live in the past - I can't - what is the point? I have had to adjust to my new life of it being just me.  I am okay with living alone - well the cat may disagree! Making life decisions alone can be really hard though, you know the kind of things you only talk with your partner about, or a total stranger..  Life decisions, financial decisions, in my case - business decisions, I probably have not always made the right choices, but I am still in business, I have a roof over my head.

I chose to look at the positives, I have the entire bed to myself, I have the entire wardrobe to myself, I can go where I want, when I want, spend what I want.    Of course there are negatives to my choices, I miss the company, especially in the evenings, Netflix can back that up!!  It would be nice to be in the passenger seat once in a while, the business profits are the only household income which has to stretch a long way in slow weeks.  

But my choices, right or wrong are my own, it takes work to learn to live with loss, often I am still taking one day at a time, I think I have lost social skills, it takes work, there’s no such thing as closure with the loss of a loved one, which I know those of you in the same boat know exactly what I am talking about.

Loss is very personal, I am very grateful I have special people in my life, I have two grandchildren now, one I sadly have not met due to distance and a world wide pandemic.  I have a special bond with my 2.5 year old grand daughter, she sleeps over pretty often, she is a big reason that keeps the positivity going.

If you have reached this point, thank you for reading on, it helps me to share, and I hope it has helped others in the same position, we still have a lot to live for and life can get better..xx

Kim


7 comments

  • Thank you for sharing. I lost my husband 3 years ago June 26. You have helped me understand better my own grieving. I am living with my son and his family but in separate quarters. Never the less the loneliness is still there, especially in the evenings. I am a customer of yours, but haven’t purchased much lately after moving here to Queensland. I wish you success and happiness for the future. Kind Regards, Jill

    Jill Varga
  • I feel your pain. I lost my husband 7 years ago to Alzheimer’s. Sometimes I get angry at all the things we were going to do in retirement. Songs make me cry. I’m lucky my daughter and granddaughters live with me. But still not the same

    Nina
  • Kim I do understand what you’re going through because 5 years ago in May my dear Mother passed away from cancer and then my Father left this world in March of last year from cancer. It is hard and I too take one day at a time. I count my blessings. 🙏

    Suzan
  • You have my sympathies Kim and you are wonderful to keep going like you do. We all admire you and love your work ethic and clothes. Thank you for caring for your customers and we will keep coming back to support you. Take care and lots of love. Helen Bawden OAM

    Helen Bawden OAM
  • My thoughts are with you . I lost my husband of 36 years suddenly in a motorcycle accident 2 years ago. I like you am slowly learning to live on my own . Some days are harder than others.💜💜

    Debbie

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